GREAT BRITISH FOOD

Bringing home the bacon…

“Bringing home the bacon” means bringing home the money that your family will live on. You have to work, right, because someone in the house needs to “bring home the bacon”. The history of the expression is a little up in the air, but several sources link it to the Dunmow Flitch Trials, a 4 yearly festival that started in the 1100s in the village of Great Dunmow in Essex, where if you are married, you can compete to win a whole side of bacon (a WHOLE one!) and ALL you have to do is convince the judges that in the entire time since your wedding day, there has not been ONE SECOND that you have wished that you were NOT married to your spouse.  Not one second. Your marriage has been one long sea of delight, even when you are asleep. Easy, yes? I mean, it might win you a whole side of bacon. I’d say anything for that.  More about this particularly odd festival in our Sixy Guide to British Festivals.

Today, on Saturday 2nd September, it is International Bacon Day. No, I hadn’t heard of it either, until Dominic texted to say he was celebrating it in Scotland, with bacon.  These things are important to celebrate, IF you need an excuse to eat a bacon sandwich, which generally I do not. But one thing I hear a lot from my students and clients is that they do not quite understand the British obsession with the bacon sandwich. One particular Italian I know, who likes to wind me up by telling me the British don’t know how to eat, has told me that we have no idea what to do with bacon, apart from “put it in a sandwich with ketchup”. Well, firstly, Anonymous Italian Friend, it’s HP Sauce in this house, NOT Ketchup.  And secondly, bacon in a sandwich… is happiness.

However, if you ARE going to criticise the wonderful British bacon butty and call us unoriginal, I am going to object. There are other things to do with bacon too.

And since we like to do things in sixes, here’s another little Sixy list for you: our Sixy List of Things To Do With Bacon Apart from Sticking it in a Sandwich.

 

Bacon toothpaste, for breath that will make all hungover people want to kiss you. Available from Amazon

 

 

Oh the bacon! Or Eau de Bacon. With the witty strapline “Scent By The Gods”. Spray yourself in this and you will be chased not only by hungover people, but by every, er, fox in sniffing distance. Who wouldn’t love that? Go to Firebox

 

 

A Bacon Candle. Danish Pygge Hygge, in your home. Stylishly named “Stinky” too…Amazon again.

 

 

Bacon Soap. Bacon in the bath tub, and that thing about smelling of bacon? Here it is again. Not On The High Street  (and there’s probably a reason why)

 

 

Bacon pants, with a little instruction for people to “Stop and Smell the Bacon”. Oh yes. Designed by my dog, no doubt, although he doesn’t usually wait for an invitation.

 

 

And finally, when you’ve showered with the bacon soap, sprayed yourself with bacon fragrance, cleaned your teeth with bacon toothpaste, lit your bacon candle and put on your bacon pants which encourage people to smell you in the crotch…you can sit down with a cup of bacon coffee from Bocajava.

I was going to suggest bacon vodka but I made this last year and it just tasted like vodka which a pig had spat in.  And it had little greasy balls of fat floating about in it. The bottle was a Lava lamp of Death. It wasn’t nice. I’d go for the coffee.

So there you go.  We know plenty of things you can do with bacon apart from sticking it in bread. But because I am boring and British, I am going to stick with my bacon sandwich. Happiness.

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